Aug 27, 2014

Resolutions. Anytime. #1

It has taken tragedy and trauma for me, but I have realized that I could be a better person. A much better person.

That's not to say I beheaded dolls and tripped people for the fun of it.


I did do one of those. Once. I thought it would be funny. It wasn't. I was 12. He was on a skateboard. Downhill. I put my foot out. It wasn't pretty. There was a nurse's office involved and some very dirty looks. From the nurse...

My point is, I can always be better.

A few months ago my path in life got very bumpy and it took losing my mom and a marriage wake-up call for me to realize I was walking the wrong path. I could see the right one for years but for some reason I never pushed myself to take it. I am now. And I have a list of 58 (and growing) resolutions that I look forward to taking head on.
I was not the person I knew I could be or even the person I wanted to be. Someone waved a free ice-cream cone or something stupid along the way and I took an unfortunate d-tour. Now I need to find my happy again!

My mother's passing brought into vivid clarity for me just how many missteps I took along my paths. How many times I was negligent with what was gifted to me and how there was absolutely NO time to lose. Life is not that short, but it can be wasted and not appreciated for every moment we have. I refuse to let that be my path.
(and no, she did not waste hers or take it for granted... I just didn't learn her precious lessons when she was here with me)

My marriage made me realize that I had ridden a wave right to the shore. Great, I guess. But I had never paddled or tried to stay afloat. It was all dumb luck and now we were beached. Like a big blubbery whale that went too far, we were stuck and losing hope. I am learning that you can paddle back however, even if it seems too late, there is always room for improvement and always a lesson to be learnt.
(we are a work in progress)

So, (and this may seem unrelated)...

Resolution #1: READ MORE!

I have always loved to read. I first lost myself in the fantasy worlds of Enid Blyton and Roald Dahl. From there, it was Nancy Drew and Agatha Christie all the way through high school. Stephen King was my main man for a while in college and then the rest of the world trickled in too. There was always a sprinkling of self-help books and new age writings in our home too and I was fascinated with everything from metaphysics to Taoism and even the Bermuda Triangle. Yeah, I was all over the place!
I still love a good novel and the feeling of being transported into another world. One where I don't nuke dinosaur chicken nuggets and beg for homework to be done and undies to be picked up off the floor (real life, man!), but in the past few months I have found so much healing, learning and growing in the 'self-help' books I have read and that is why reading more is first on my list.

This is my bedside table right now. And no, I don't read them all at once. These are just my 'to-do's' and some of my 'have-done's' :)

I have read books on peaceful parenting, mending relationships and mourning for a loved one. I have read about dreams and the Kabbalah, as well as books on how to simplify and add meaning to your life. These were all truly a life vest for me in an ocean of uncertainty and fear of the future.

Where a great story book takes me on a fast paced adventure or FBI thrill ride, the right self-improvement book is like a warm hug from a dear friend who just gets the shit you are going through and knows just the right thing to say. It can help you sink or swim.

I am so grateful that the books that were recommended to me helped me swim through the mess I was going through and they still help me. It isn't unheard of for me to go back and read a book again just to let the message really sink in. Sometimes I even take notes. *cough - nerd..*

I will review some of the books I read as I get through them. And soon as I am done hugging them!

Let me know if you want any recommendations :)

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